So for those of you who loved the hidden shame of my diary blog, wait until you get a load of this! When I was in grade Eight (This is a rough guess. It was in middle school, but I’m not sure what grade.) Math class lost all appeal for me. Instead, I spent that time working on my drawing talent and ignoring numbers. Eventually, I had doodled myself out* and needed a new project. So I turned to writing fiction, for really the first time in my life. My novel was written on loose-leaf inside a prized binder that contained all my geeky thoughts (which was seriously called The Geek Binder and had lots of print outs from the web. Oh, and Sailor Moon pictures all over it.). It was written two or three pages at a time, all in Math Class.

Eventually, my friends discovered it and it was handed out all over the room, with various people having various pages at any given time. God, my poor teacher. Every time the bell rang, everyone would hand the pages back and tell me what they thought. Amazingly enough, I never had a page go missing, and every one thought the story rocked. Well, of course we did. We were eighth graders! We had no taste! We took The Backstreet Boys seriously!

Clearly, I was ahead of my time, because this was a story about VAMPIRES. God, I know. I did not go for teen angst and sparkles, though. Oh no. I was reading Anne Rice at the time. Yes. Yes, I know. I still believe that the first two are awesome, though! Then I tried to read Queen of the Damned and it was all over.

Anyway, when all was said and done, the novel was about 60 handwritten pages long and starred a group of total idiots. The heroine (and I use that term loosely) was named Catalina, if I am remember correctly. Which, now that I’m older, isn’t that a salad dressing or something? There was a kind of “mother-hen” vampire figure, and I can’t remember her name. All I remember is that she was totally channeling Gambit from X-Men, calling everyone “cheri’ every twenty seconds. Oh, did I mention this is taking place in France? Have I ever been to France? No. Have I ever studied France? No. But it totally takes place there, you guys! I think they then go to America, but I could be totally wrong. I do remember there is a boat in some section, however.

Then, there were not just ONE but TWO vampire men! OMG, guys! I know. And was one kind and good to humans and the other one cruel and batshit evil? Awww yeah. They were called Louis and LestatActually, I don’t even remember their names. I’m pretty sure one was called Vincent (FFVII, what?!), and the other could have been (God help me) Edward, but I know he went through a name change, and I can’t remember what I settled on. Edwin? I’ll have to check when I get home.

Anyway, Nameless and Catalina fell madly in love, of course, and Possibly-Vincent hated it, of course, and the den mother with no memorable name was delighted, all “Oh Cheris, let us plan a FAB-ulous wedding”, of course, and then there was an EPIC showdown with possession and biting and people turning into statues and somewhere they ride on a boat!

I wish I had this novel with me so I could transcribe it RIGHT NOW.

*How dirty does that sound? Seriously?

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